Help that actually helps
Do not just say “let me know if you need anything.” Offer something concrete.
People often want to help but leave the planning of that help with the person who is already overwhelmed. Specific, low-pressure offers are easier to accept.
General health and practical information, not medical care. If you are worried about symptoms, recovery or a baby’s health, contact a qualified health professional. In the US, call 911 for an emergency and call/text 988 for suicide or mental-health crisis support. How we handle health-sensitive guidance.
Make the offer specific
“I’m going to the grocery store this afternoon. Send me a short list by 2 PM, or I can bring milk, bread, fruit and something easy for dinner.”
“I can handle the funeral reception drinks and ice. If that would help, I’ll own it and check quantities with the meal planner.”
“I can take the older kids out Saturday morning for two hours, if that would give you some quiet time. No need to decide now.”
Good support usually has three qualities
- Specific: one task, time or offer.
- Easy to refuse: no guilt if the person says no.
- Complete: if you own the task, try not to return every small decision to them.
SAMHSA's grief guidance specifically includes practical assistance such as cooking, cleaning and childcare as useful ways of supporting someone who is grieving.
Last reviewed: September 15, 2026 · Research & safety standards